I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
