we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
