it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
