Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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