When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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