You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
