I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
