My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
