I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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