Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
