my phone needs a breathalizer
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
