it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
