ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
