You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
