It's Friday. Sex?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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