Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
smell my finger.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
