When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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