He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
