I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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