Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You are a booty call, not a friend.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
