Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
