He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
