I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
