9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
