i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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