weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so let's talk penis.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
