he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
