it was like eating out sand paper
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
