Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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