Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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