ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
