The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I have post one night stand depression
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