you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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