and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
