Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
