Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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