i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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