I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
