My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
