I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
