So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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