Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
