there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
