so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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