he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
