He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
