5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
