I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
