Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
