would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
