i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
